I'm Not A Child Anymore
by NinaNinjaFace
Summary: Asami comes to terms with what her father has done and tries to figure out how to move on. Slight spoilers for the season 1 finale.


**A/N: Don't worry, the fluff chapter I promised in Rest is coming. This just happened because I just watched the finale and amidst all my shouting at the TV and fangirl screaming and flailing (there is absolutely no way Makorra will ever not be canon now), I noticed the BAMF-ness of Asami and I decided she doesn't get enough recognition. So I decided to write her a fic where someone notices that she's amazing in every way possible and needs a hug. **

**Even though now I'm torn because I ship Asami with Bolin, Iroh, and Korra (not all as one big ship though - separate ships, I promise). So I really don't know where I stand with her and shipping. But this is a Bosami fic because I feel like right now it works. Takes place right after Asami and Bolin in all their BAMF-ness take down the Equalists at the base.**

I can't believe what I'm doing. I can't believe what I've done.

_He's my father. Nothing can ever change that. No matter what he's doing now, even if he threw me in a cage and he would probably kill me if he was given the chance, he's still my father. _Repetitive thoughts racing through my head as I try to unclench my hands from around the joysticks poking into the heart of the wrecked mega-bot.

Children aren't supposed to to this to their fathers.

"He's all I had left." I whisper, praying Bolin won't hear. I don't think he will - he's far away enough, and I can barely tell I've said it myself. But that may be because I don't want to. The words Bolin shouted a few minutes ago, just as he was saving me from Dad and his mega-bot (Saving me from Dad. That's never going to sound right.) are just registering now.

"Mr. Sato, you are a horrible father!"

Children don't go against their families like this. Children don't try to kill their parents over a cause that could be nothing to any of them. Children don't leave everything behind for a couple of kids their own age who they've known for maybe a week, when they find out their father's been doing something they don't agree with.

But it goes both ways, doesn't it? Fathers don't do this to their children. Fathers don't make their daughters choose between staying and joining oppressive, cruel monsters, or leaving family forever to go be a fugitive and fight for what's right. Fathers don't try to kill their daughters because the daughter won't revenge the mother.

"He's right." I say out loud, just coming to this realization for the first time. Before, it's been someone doing something wrong. Maybe it's something big, and maybe it was someone close to me, but there's never been a reason that my father and I couldn't go back to being family when this was all over and he had seen reason. It's only now that I realize and force myself to accept what Dad's done, and what he would have done, to me. "You really are a horrible father."

It feels like it's all over, and my hands slide off the joysticks like they're too weak to hold anything. My head drops down, eyes squeezed shut so I don't have to see my father running way, trying to escape what he's done, maybe, and tears start working their way up to my eyes. I squeeze them shut harder. I'm not going to cry for Hiroshi Sato. I won't.

"Asami! Oh my God, are you all right?" Bolin's voice is startlingly close, and I jerk up to see that he's staring in at me, standing on the mega-bot's shell. I realize that I must have looked like I was dead or something, judging by the look of concern in his eyes.

"I'm fine." I say, hating how quiet my voice is, but not knowing how to speak any louder without starting to cry. I unbuckle the seat and clamber out of the bot, grabbing Bolin's hand and letting him help me down so I don't get cut by any of the metal or broken glass lying all over the place.

The Equalist base is completely wrecked. The runways are destroyed. The remaining planes were smashed in the mega-bot fight. We won, essentially. So why do I feel like _everything's_ been lost?

I turn away from Bolin, walking towards the entrance to the shed in what hopefully looks like a normal pace, even though it's all I can do to keep from running as fast as I can. _Please, God, don't make me cry...don't let him see me cry..._

My prayers, of course, go unanswered, and there are tears streaming down my face by the time I step outside. So this is how it feels to really lose your family. I could never have imagined it would hurt this much.

"Asami." There's a hand on my shoulder, and of course it's Bolin. "Are you all right?" he asks again. I might just be seeing things because my vision's not exactly top-notch at the moment, but I think I'm seeing in his eyes the same concern when he thought I was dead. Like me being upset is just as bad.

I should nod and say it's just a little hard for me, but I'll be all right, because honestly, I don't think Bolin would understand. So I'm really not quite sure why "I don't know" comes out of my mouth.

Children don't do this to their parents. But parents don't do this to their children, and I'm not a child anymore, and I really don't know what I've lost or if I should even be grieving it.

Bolin looks at me in a sad, questioning way, but he doesn't say anything. I'm grateful for that much. Instead, he holds his arms out to me in an offering of a friendly embrace. I don't usually hug people - no reason, I just _don't_ - but I just need something right now. No, not something. I need someone. And I come to realize, as Boling holds me tight and lets me cry on his shoulder and cling to him like he's the last thing I have, that he's about as close to the someone I need as I'll get right now. He's pretty damn close, if I'm going to be fair about it.

Finally, I'm able to get control enough of myself to stop crying and let go of him. I walk on strangely unsteady legs over to the side of the shed, where I slide down and sit against the wall. Bolin joins me.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head.

"Can I tell you something?"

"If you want to."

"I know I'm probably not who you'd want right now," he starts off, which surprises me for two reasons - one, I have no idea why he'd think that, and two, I'm realizing it's really not true, "but I just wanted to say I know you've been through a lot, more than most of us could even imagine. You've had to do things that I don't think anyone else would be strong enough to do. I just...I really admire you. You're an amazing person, Asami. And no one, even someone as strong as you, should have to go through this alone."

"I'm not alone." I say. Then, maybe because Bolin's words are really hitting home and what he's said really does mean a lot to me, and maybe because I want to prove to myself that what I just said is true, I hug one of his arms, like a little kid swinging off her father's arm when he's coming back from a long trip, even thought we're both far from children anymore and I could probably clear him height-wise if I was just a few inches taller, and lean my head on his shoulder. Bolin seems to understand, somehow, exactly what I need, and hugs me to him with his free arm.

"We're all here for you, Asami." he says.

"Are you?" I ask, because that's what's important. 'We' translates to 'it's just me now, but someone bigger and better will come and you can have someone really take care of you', I'm guessing, from what Bolin's said and from the way he is. And I want to make sure he knows perfectly well that I don't want someone bigger and better, like the Avatar or my (now ex) boyfriend. I want him.

"Of course I am." he says. "Maybe I can't make everything better or fix what you're going through, but I'll always be here for you. I'll help you in any way I can. I promise."

"Thank you," I say, and though I know we should probably get up and go try to find the Equalist rally and help Korra and Mako, I don't want to get up and let go of Bolin's promise just yet.

**A/N: Well, this was alarmingly personal. What is it with me and Legend of Korra bringing out the feels of my personal life?**

**Just pretend you didn't read that.**

**I really want to make this into a multi-chapter fic because I want to see what happens to Asami, but a) I don't know if I have the drive to and b) I want to bring Rest to a good stopping point first. See what happens I guess? **

**And oh my goodness that finale. I had so many feelings. And yes, I did legitimately start flailing when Mako and Korra said "I love you." I'm sad that Asami's love life has kind of fallen to shit, but she can go find comfort with Bolin. Or Iroh. Or Korra. Just not Mako because he and his sexy eyebrows belong in Korra's love life only now. And I think she'll be okay. She's a really strong person. I hope she gets more lines next season though.**


End file.
